Culinary Disasters

Sorry I have been lackluster in the grilling department.  Between the bread baker’s apprentice challenge and everything else it is hard to get creative.  I do find myself grilling out a couple times a week but nothing that is ever blog worthy.  Do I need to detail how I made hamburgers or repost a dish that I have already written about? Although now that I am starting to get the hang of the camera I will start reworking some of my favorite old posts.

The other week I picked up some boneless chicken thighs.  My intention was for a stir fry dish but then I got thinking about stuffing them with some leftover proscuitto and cheese and grilling them.  Basically chicken saltimbocca for the grill.

This also reminds me yes I did the challah for Bread Baker’s Apprentice last Saturday and it was a great hit.  Going to combine it with my ciabatta post on Sunday.

For this recipe you need:

•  Boneless chicken thighs that are pounded out to about 1/4 inch thickness.  I have found that wrapping them in plastic and beating them with a skillet is an awesome stress reliever and a quick way to flatten them.
• 1 piece of proscuitto per chicken thigh
• 1 piece of emmental cheese per chicken thigh
• 1 sage leave diced per chicken thigh
• Pinch of crushed red pepper
• Kosher salt and black pepper

Really freaking hard steps:

1. Lay chicken thigh flat.
2. Add a piece of proscuitto.
3. Add a slice of cheese.
4. Add the diced sage.
5. Add a small pinch of crushed red pepper.
6. Roll and use butcher twine or toothpicks to hold together.
7. Salt and pepper the outside.
8. Repeat steps 1-7 for remaining chicken thighs.
9. Grill over medium heat till done and try not to cry when the cheese drips out and is sacrificed to the charcoal gods.

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Tags: chicken, All // 22 Comments »

This post is going to be very short because of a softball injury I am having a hard time typing anything involving the right side of the keyboard.  However, I feel that with all this bread posting lately I have strayed off course.  I do not want this blog to turn into a self depreciating tale of woe over bread making.  I do have a couple grill posts that I have been meaning to type up but when it comes down to writing or goofing around in the garden or turning compost the inner boy in me kicks in and heads directly for dirt.

I promise that garden porn weekends will start here soon especially since I am staring at a container tomato plant that has a few green tomatoes on it and peas that are starting to flower.  Could not come at a better time because I was really starting to get envious of everyone else enjoying wonderful farm fresh produce and the best we can get this time of year is radishes and lettuce.

I also would like to make a point to mention this is the first ever barley post out of me.  I have been experimenting with it over the last couple of weeks and think I may love pearl barley about as much as I love quinoa.  If anyone has any suggestions for other uses please feel free to share.

For this recipe you will need:

• 1 cup uncooked pearl barley
• 2 cups of stock (I used chicken stock)
• 1 tablespoon chili paste
• 1/4 cup cilantro
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce
• 1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil
• 1 roasted red pepper diced
• 1 shallot diced
• 2 cloves of garlic diced
• 8 ounces of shelled edamame
• Juice of 1 lime
• Kosher salt and black pepper

Steps to success:

1. Cook the pearl barley in the stock.
2. While the barley is cooking roast the red pepper.
3. Combine everything once the barley is done.
4. Serve and enjoy!

Tags: Quick, Healthy, All // 25 Comments »

Well another week and another bread down.  Thankfully this bread was simple enough that I could easily do on a Sunday with a pounding headache.  Do not have any sympathy for me because it was a self-inflicted headache.  I do not what possessed me to think that I could possibly drink as much as I could when I was in my early 20s.  However, in my defense it was the perfect day though for grilling and the drinks just started piling up the longer friends stayed over.

If you are following my facebook you also have seen the next project which is building my own grill/smoker.  Step one has been accomplished which is I managed to acquire a couple 55 gallon drums that did not have extremely nasty stuff stored in them.  I am currently at the stage where I am trying to design it and get the drums ready for cutting and grinding.

For my fellow readers if you had to design your perfect grill what would it entail?  So far I have came up with two layers of shelving, slide out shelves, extended port on the side for hooking up duct work to convert easily into a cold smoker, and a couple other features.  I want to see if there is anything I am really missing that I need.  The whole smoker part I am not to concerned about since I already possess a couple smokers that work amazing but more want a big $%&* grill. (Click here to read the rest…)

Tags: Bread Baking (BBA) // 21 Comments »

It is really hard to type out this post right now and I am afraid if I take a nap my heart will quit working.  Heck my left arm feels really tingly and it is making it difficult to press any keys on the left of the keyboard.

If you are participating in the Bread Baker’s Apprentice you know exactly which brioche I did from the previous explanation.  For those who are not following the insanity that comes from a large group of people deciding to bake every bread in the Bread Baker’s Apprentice the reason is a bread called Rich’s Man Brioche.  This bread boosts a glorious 88 percent butter to 100 percent flour ratio or if you are mathematically challenged a whole flipping lot of artery clogging goodness packed in a small container.  The amount of butter is so outrageous that I almost called my insurance provider to make sure there is not a clause excluding me coverage because I overdosed on butter.  The thought of having to pay quadruple bypass surgery out of pocket makes my shiver.

The bread started innocently in that I put the butter on the counter overnight to reach room temperature (thanks Nicole at Pinch My Salt and Judy at No Fear Entertaining for this advice).  Went to bed, woke up at 6 a.m. (not by choice but my cat who weighs all five pounds was scared she was going to starve to death if I did not feed her then), assembled the dough, and let it relax in the fridge.  While the dough relaxed in the fridge I kept myself occupied with such joyful house chores as installing a fence around the perimeter of the garden to keep a pesky wabbit out, planted more pepper plants to replace the fallen pepper plants that said wabbit ate, and other yard work.

After a good six hours passed I formed the dough into two loaf pans and let them rest of the counter.  For once I did not find myself nervously pacing about, cursing, mumbling, or marking the height of the dough on the pan every fifteen minutes to prove that my baby was really growing.  Maybe the bread devil sensed my new fond confidence and decided I needed to be knocked down a couple pegs.  After three hours I checked my dough baby to find it filled out the bottom of the pan but not a heck of a lot of vertical growth.  Hmmm….well this is probably just dough puberty and eventually it will grow and become a pillar of beauty that all breads aspire to.  Couple more hours later I finally realized my dough was destined for a life of mediocrity; I grudgingly gave it an egg wash and shoved it in the oven.  Even though the brioche lacked a proper height it still tasted amazing.

On Sunday the  bread gods were definitely shining on me as I decided to experiment by turning the remaining 1/3 of the dough into hamburger buns.  The rich man’s brioche made the perfect hamburger bun with its buttery goodness and flaky texture.  If I was to ever make this brioche again hamburger buns would definitely be the driving reason. (Click here to read the rest…)

Tags: Bread Baking (BBA), All // 48 Comments »

I hate it when I cook something and there is nothing self-deprecating to write about.  I have been staring at my computer screen typing and deleting such wonderful thoughts as the apple is red or the green spaceman jumped bail.  Normally in these situations I turn to my wonderful friend Mr. Coffee but even he is letting me down in this dire time of need.  Although maybe in Mr. Coffee’s defense I should not have overdosed on him and blame him.  Grrr….what is a guy to do???

The next Bread Baker’s Apprentice challenge is one I am definitely looking forward to for the sole reason it allows me to incorporate a massive quantity of butter.  I have already put my cardiologist on standby and ordered my own personal defibrillator in case I happen to go down during the consumption or baking of this bread.  As an added precaution to my tweets and friends if I have not signed in or contacted you by Saturday afternoon be scared.

In an effort to prevent my body from revolt I decided that this week’s dinner was going to be simple and light.  For that I have to turn to my favorite pseudocereal (I wrote that sentence so I could use the word pseudocereal because it is such a cool word).  If you never have tried quinoa I want you to stop, grab your car keys right now, drive to the nearest grocery store, and buy a bag.  Do not worry I am becoming more patient the more I bake so I have time to wait.  For the rest of you I do not have to sell you the joy and joyness of this pseudocereal (I am in love with this word) and how versatile and wonderful of an ingredient it is to use.

This dish is one of those dishes where I started with a simple plan which was cut down on the massive amount of lemons I bought for making lemonade and use quinoa.  I them started thinking of all the great flavors such as olives, sun dried tomatoes, and ohhh….fresh herbs that play well with others and had to give them a chance to shine too.

For this recipe you will need:

• 1 cup quinoa
• 2 cups of stock or water (I used vegetable stock)
• Juice of 1/2 lemon
• Zest from that 1/2 lemon
• 1/4 cup minced fresh herbs
• 1/3 cup diced sun dried tomatoes in oil
• 1/3 cup diced olives
•  1 shallot diced
• 3 cloves of garlic diced
• Pinch of crushed red pepper
• Kosher salt and black pepper (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: Quick, Healthy, All // 21 Comments »

All this bloody baking is going to cause me to spiral quickly into a drunken haze of insanity.  The plan was a simple one in that before bedtime on Friday night I would have perfectly shaped bagels resting in the fridge overnight.  This would allow me to wake up on Saturday morning, boil some water, bake some bagels, and catch up on the DVR while enjoy a freshly made egg, cheese, and bacon bagel sandwich.  What really happened is another story….

Friday night get home from work, change into comfy clothes, start sponge, and let sponge rest for a couple hours.  I come back after two hours to a sponge that is not bubbling and frothing like the Bread Baker’s Apprentice promised me.  Instead I am staring at a sponge that has a single bubble and when I tap the bowl I hear the sponge chuckling at me.  I tell myself to be patient as I head out to occupy myself with more errands.  Two hours later I come back and I swear the bubbles in the sponge have formed a perfect finger flicking me off and the laughter has moved from a gentle chuckle all the way to a full blown har har har.  At this point I felt it was in my best interest after angrily scraped the sponge out of the mixing bowl into a trash bag to open a bottle of wine and regroup.

On Saturday was round two and I finally got a bubbling frothing sponge.  The only changes I made was I made sure the water was room temperature and I moved the sponge by my computer speakers so it could get a heavy dose of angry music in a desperate attempt to enrage my sponge into bubbling.

Having a perfect sponge I now set off to knead the dough.  On twitter everyone was talking about how hard the Kitchen Aid was struggling to knead the dough.  I like to think that the Kitchen Aid assembly robots knew that Fred (yes my Kitchen Aid is named Fred) was going to a hopeless wanna be baker and upgraded it with a higher end motor that by destiny would arrive on my front steps.  My dreams of this were quickly crushed when I had the Kitchen Aid cranked all the over to 10 and it was struggling to keep up.  So for the first time in my life I had to hand knead.

I have watched Italian grandmothers on television and in real life who can barely walk effortlessly knead the perfect dough.  After hand kneading for 15 minutes I swear these grandmothers are getting their prescriptions from the same doctor who Manny Ramirez goes to.  I am not meaning to brag but I play racquetball two times a week, softball two times a week, lift at least two times a week, and all around am extremely active.  I found myself gasping for air and sadly sore after 15 minutes of pushing and moving dough around.  Not only did I feel sore but also a feeling of sadness and humility on the inside.

After the kneading of the bread was complete the rest of the bagel making went smooth.  I like to think the bread devil got his laugh at the new guy and I fell for another one of his evil pranks.

I simply topped my bagels with poppy seeds, Parmesan cheese, and poppy seeds.  Figured I made it this far not going to get fancy and screw everything up with some funky topping that destroys everything.  They maybe ugly bagels but they are proof that beauty is on the inside because they turned out amazing.  Definitely a recipe I am looking forward to making again and again. (Click here to read the rest…)

Tags: Bread Baking (BBA), pork, All // 41 Comments »

Another grueling battle in the kitchen of Jeff versus the Bread Baker’s Apprentice.  In this week’s round I had to go against Artos or one of his many variations.  I chose to fight his evil cousin the Christopsomos which has raisins, walnuts, and dried cherries mixed into it.  According to the book there is some fancy shaping of the christopsomos but I really wanted to use the banneton in hopes of getting those cool wicker basket marks (I am a griller at heart and anytime I have a chance to brand my final product I am all about it).

This was definitely not a decisive victory for me and I was scared when it went to the judges for a decision.  Even though the presentation was wrong/ugly and part of it was found stuck to the bottom of my spanking brand new baking stone the taste was amazing and thankfully I was awarded another victory.

If you are keeping score this I now have a perfect 2-0.  I am starting to get a little cocky about my record however, I am a little fearful because this weekend will be my toughest challenger in my young career, the bagel. (Click here to read the rest…)

Tags: Bread Baking (BBA), Seafood, Salad, salmon, All // 38 Comments »

I hope that I am not the only one during the spring and summer who slows down on posting.  To me this time of year is meant to be enjoyed outside not spent inside trying to be creative or screwing around with Photoshop.

I really hit a creative wall today as I sit here sipping coffee staring outside at a perfect 70 degree sunny morning.  This also is bringing back bad memories of parents yelling at me to do my homework before I can outside and play.  Grr…..I do not like these repressed memories resurfacing so I am going to click publish and run outside with reckless abandonment.  Ok reckless abandonment is not true because I have to remove weeds, water the garden, and trim back a few plants.  However, I still feel rebellious.

If I could find any creativity I would have touched on these points:

• quinoa is extremely healthy
• quinoa is a great carrier of all flavors
• new farmer’s market in town is open and I am excited to check it out
• I have not posted any grilling recipes because I am still trying to dial in a couple experiments or what I have been doing is not blog worthy.  However, relax they are still getting a good workout and I hope to have another run of grilling posts next week. (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: Quick, All // 21 Comments »

I found morel mushrooms!!!  To clarify for those who have been following the ongoing saga, Jeff hunts for mushrooms in the woods, no I did not put on my hiking boots and get lost in the woods.  However, on Saturday when it was pouring rain and once again to wet to do garden work I headed over to the co-op.  Imagine my shock and surprise when the first thing I see are morel mushrooms.

I bought half of a pound of morel mushrooms and used them in three dishes.  The first dish I did when I got home is one of my favorite ways to eat them.  It is a simple morels pan fried in large amounts of butter.  As the morels are done the movement is tongs grab morel, tongs to mouth, and morel dropped in mouth completely disregarding patting them dry or even letting them cool in the slightest.  To date (knocking on wood) I have succeeding in not burning myself badly.  Sunday morning I chopped a couple of the smaller morels I picked up and added them to my morning scrambled eggs.

After a long Sunday of moving three yards of mulch around my house and moving a truck load of lumber for my brother I wanted something simple, quick, and light.  The weather also turned out to be perfect pasta weather when it dropped into the low 50s by dinner.

The inspiration from this dish comes from my buddy Mike over Mike’s Table who did a goat cream sauce with mushroom agnolotti that sounded simple and amazing (click here to see the recipe).

For this recipe you will need:

• morel mushrooms cleaned and cut in half
• 1 shallot finely diced
• 2 cloves of garlic finely diced
• 1/2 cup of white wine
• 1/2 cup of heavy cream
• 1 tablespoon fresh sage
• 1 tablespoon fresh oregano
• Leaves from a couple springs of thyme
• 1/2 cup of peas
• Pinch of crushed red pepper
• Kosher salt and black pepper
• All purpose flour
• 4 tablespoons of unsalted butter
• 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese
• Your favorite noodles cooked till ale dente and some of the cooking liquid reserved. (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: Quick, All // 34 Comments »

I am sure that when people think vegetarian cooking my blog is one of the last that comes to mind.  For all the meat centric dishes that are displayed on this blog there is a lot of vegetarian dishes that play second fiddle but never get any credit.  This needs to change because I have this fear that the vegetables in my garden will rise up and haunt me.  Even worse would be the precious tomatoes I have spent all spring and summer pampering with punk music, amazing soil, good fertilizer, and proper watering will commit suicide all over my siding.

I am a huge fan of wild mushrooms and enjoy hunting them (Elmer Fudd singing kill the rabbit just started running through my head) but my last couple of adventures in the woods have produced zero results.  However, thank you grocery store and an amazing selection of dried and fresh mushrooms.  This definitely helps relieve the frustration of coming up empty handed and fulfills my craving for earthy flavors.

The amazing part about using dried mushrooms is the liquid you have soaked the mushrooms to hydrate is permeated with amazing mushroom flavor (mushroom martini anyone).  If I do not use this liquid in the dish I will at least fill up a jar with it and freeze it for future endeavors.

To answer the next question no I did not make the bread.  Although I looked ahead and turned all giddy because I noticed baguettes are coming up soon in the Bread Baker Apprentice challenge.  Woohoo!!  Wait I just admitted to getting giddy over making bread.  Damn you evil bread devil and your promise of baked goods!!!!

For this dish you will need:

• 1 ounce of dried mushrooms hydrated in 1 cup of water (bring water to boil, kill heat, add mushrooms, cover, relax for 30 minutes, strain keeping the glorious liquid)
• Package of fresh mushrooms sliced (I used baby bellas and I believe the package size was 10 ounces)
• 1/2 cup white wine
• 4 cups of vegetable stock
• 1 cup of cream
• 2 leeks diced
• 3 cloves of garlic
• 2 teaspoons paprika
•  2 sprigs of rosemary and 4 springs of thyme tied together (really you do not have to tie them together it just makes it easier to fish out before you blend)
• 1 bay leaf
• 1/4 cup of flour
• 4 tablespoons of unsalted butter (Click here to read the rest…)

  Tags: soup, All // 30 Comments »